Are You Authentic? - Blog #020

Is it me, or has the world gone a bit “authentic-mad”? Not-so-much in terms of things. For example, that painting is an authentic Picasso. More about people. Being authentic seems to keep cropping up. I was recently asked, “Do you think Jack[1] is an authentic person?”. I realised that I had no idea of what an authentic person was. Jack certainly was a real person. Was he trustworthy? Almost certainly. Was he capable of lying? Definitely; we all are. It is not often I struggle to answer a question. I am happy to say, “I don’t know”, when I don’t. I started to investigate what an authentic person might be.

We need to start with a definition. No, not the dictionary one, I have tried this, and it has not helped. Here is my draft definition for you. “An authentic person acts in alignment with what they think”.

What you think is made up of a whole bucket of things; your values, your beliefs, your emotional state, maturity, experiences, motivations, etc… We will come back to this later. For now, let’s focus on the action/response. For most of us, the brain will come up with a suggested response i.e. what you think. You will then take some form of action. Mission accomplished! Blog complete, time to move on… However, it is not that simple. We have evolved to be social animals. Thinking is an internal activity, whereas acting happens in the external world and has consequences. So, we filter our thinking before we act. I find it helps to think through an example. Let’s go with Brexit. I am sure that like me you love to think more about it (not). If asked, “What do you think we should do next regarding Brexit?”, here are a range of thoughts/answers you might give.

In response to the question, your mental cogs start turning and you think that the UK should have another vote now the future deal is becoming clearer.

But it is your boss asking you, who is currently considering annual bonuses and is a vocal, hardcore Brexiteer. You might say…

Are you shocked? You should not be. People do this all the time. I know some people who will only ever tell you what they think they want you to hear. Others who will sit on the fence regardless of the issue, or what they actually think. Let’s be honest, everyone at some point has told a “white lie” and fallen into the authenticity gap.

So, is Everyone Inauthentic?

Definitively speaking yes, everyone is inauthentic. In our example, we can see that the environment (situation, culture, cost) has a huge part to play in aligning what we think and what we say. There are many examples of this. Malcolm Gladwell’s book “Outliers” talks about “cockpit cultures”, where he claimed that hierarchical structures and deference to authority resulted in several fatal airline crashes. You will notice these a lot more now you are aware. Talking of which, self-awareness is another big driver here. Many people are not able to differentiate what they really think from what they say. Over time, it is why lies can become truths for some people. Permanently inhabiting the authenticity gap is a dangerous game. One where you can lose yourself entirely.

Back to Jack’s authenticity. I knew my opinion was going to make a significant difference to Jack’s career. The analytical answer was, “I don’t know”, or “I’m not sure”. My gut feeling was that Jack was authentic, whatever that really means. So that was the authentic answer I gave, “I don’t really know, but my gut feeling is yes, Jack is authentic”. A very interesting discussion ensued about why I had been asked that question. Stepping back and reflecting, I think there are two dimensions to authenticity. Digging into them will help us understand what I think the real question is.The two dimensions are;

1. Honesty.

2. Motivation.

The real question is something more like, “Will Jack tell me what he really thinks even if the result is painful for him?” Here’s how I picture it;

Saying what you think, when there is no cost or pain, for most people is relatively easy. It is even easier if there is a reward or gain. However, at some point, the perception of pre- or post-action cost/pain will be enough that a person starts to slip into the authenticity gap.

I have had heated discussion about this, some people are convinced that they are completely authentic. They are not. Here is a little (unpleasant) thought experiment, which I hope will convince you. Let’s assume that you are anti-racism. I ask you to say something racist. You will say no. I now move into gangster mode and produce a knife and threaten to remove a finger or two. At some point between here and having a gun to the head of your daughter or mother, you will cave in and say something racist. I did say it was unpleasant.

Of course, given the nature of human motivation, a large enough gain would have a similar effect. Do you remember the film “Indecent Proposal”?

It can feel a little deflating if you have not been consciously aware of this before. Your subconscious has been aware of it for a long time. It is hidden in plain sight through all sorts of sayings and stories. Think Judas, “Every man has his price”, “Money is power”, “Be careful who you trust” etc… Here’s my personal view, like so many human traits it is often less about the act and more about the intention behind the act. I’m sure your daughter or mother would surely thank you after I had put the gun down?

How authentic are you?

Be happy, healthy and helpful

Paul How to get in touch

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[1] The name has been changed to protect the guilty 😉